as my 2015 journey comes to a close, i ask myself the question: what has changed these past 12 months?

i’ve allowed God in enough to create change in my heart. – GOD IS PATIENT – he will wait and wait and wait until you’re heart is truly ready for change. he isn’t a God that will force you to love Him. He waits until you choose Him. this year i chose Him over the walls i’m a master at building.

i’ve sought Him for guidance and counsel – GOD IS THE WONDERFUL COUNSELOR – He teaches me how to discern the voice of the Holy Spirit within. He has and continues to renew my mind. He is calibrating my thoughts to His initial design on things like food, time, family, mothering, and being a wife.

God has created  a new desire in me for His Living Word. i’m currently reading “The Story – The Bible As One Continuing Story of God and His People” . it has helped me understand the heart behind the God of the old testament. the old testament has always felt very compartmentalized and i often loose the story in the language it’s written in. i’m beginning to see where my idea of who God is has been misled. i can see more clearly the lies i once believed about the Almighty God. those lies took over and navigated my life for several years and robbed me of a fullness.

this year God has sunk deeper into my heart. He’s helped me sift through things that are not of Him. He’s helped me replace lies with truth. He’s awakened my spiritual gifting so i can live as He created me to love. He is reteaching me the foundation of my faith through teaching graham. He’s reminded me of the power of the name of Jesus … the power of the spirit that is alive within me.  God has allowed His Spirit to come over me with a rushing wave of emotion and sadness for our world and the absolute need for my family to be rooted in Jesus like a tree that will withstand and violent storm this world brings. God has also allowed His Spirit to come over me to understand more fully the Greatest Gift He could have ever given me – audrie patterson. God said … “i can’t let audrie wander or be lost … i can’t let her pay the price for her sins.  i can’t let audrie be absent from  my perfect love, from my presence. i just can’t do that to her. so i will send my son Jesus to be born fully God and fully man only so that he may die on behalf of audrie. i want to spare her that dreadful pain and instead leave my Holy Spirit to love and guide her in My ways, to show her mercy and grace over punishment. to be patient and slow to anger towards her.

my journey with God this year has not been without fault or sin or struggle or defeat. it’s those things that have allowed me to practice my faith. each time i commit to learn … to learn more about who God truly is and not who i think He is.

 restoration is so incredibly hard and painful and rough. but restoration is beauty. restoration has been present this year because God has been present.

my friend … God IS good.

God IS patient.

and he waits for you.